Ugh. My willpower is just horrible all of a sudden. I had to make dinner for my mom - I was making her smoked salmon quesadillas, and I started getting so hungry and emotional that I thought I was going to both collapse and explode at the same time. And the biggest feeling of loneliness ever came over me for some reason and I just started crying. I almost ate her dinner before she even got home, but I stopped myself because her dinner, being a quesadilla, was tons of calories... all goat cheese and sour cream and salmon and such. But I was freaking out. I couldn't stop crying and I just collapsed onto a sofa while the salmon was grilling and ate like 1/2 a cup of flax & soy tortilla chips with some salsa. Then I made myself two smart dogs, cut them up, and put them in an organic red chile tortilla with a cup of hot salsa and some nonfat cheese. After I ate that, I ate a tiny square of dark chocolate. Which puts me at 497 cals for the day (including the cals from diet soda and herbal tea). I feel totally stuffed and satisfied right now, but it begs the question... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? My willpower is shot, my emotions are going insane, and I almost passed out after ONLY 19 hours of fasting. I was feeling perfectly fine two hours earlier and then suddenly I was so depressed and hungry and dizzy. I don't get it. When I was fasting earlier in the year I wouldn't even get dizzy until the third day.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? When did I become so weak?
|comments: Leave a comment|