20 hours into my fast. Why is it so HARD already? But I won't give in. I won't let food control me, especially not this early on.
I finished my book on raw food today. The author had a chapter totally dedicated to how we try and use food as comfort & as something to fill up / numb emptiness. And that we need to learn how to deal with pain and loneliness and the range of human emotions by ourselves, without the use of food as a drug. How appropriate is that, for this situation? I wanted to go find this little Russian lady that wrote the book and hug her when I read it. She got it exactly right. I'm trying to prove to myself right now that I don't need food to numb the pain from Nolan; that I can just deal with the feelings straight out & that I will become a better, thinner me through all of the hurt that he's put into me. I can overcome this WITHOUT FOOD.
My mother seriously tried to shove food at me today. A really gross concoction, too: strawberries and sour cream. Really, who does that? It's like the time my roommate microwaved her potato salad and tried to get me to eat some. That's just nasty.
My stomach WILL NOT stop growling. I'm going to go make myself some more herbal tea. In another hour or two I'll probably take some cold medicine so I can sleep. Otherwise I'll be up to 3 or 4 obsessing over food. I know myself. Then I'll be walking dead at work tomorrow and give in and get some food or coffee or something to wake myself up. No. Not going to happen.
I don't need food as a crutch.
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